A Relationship Guide to Staying Together While Buying a House
by Sandi Hegland
on Wednesday, February 26th, 2020 at 12:05pm.
People process large decisions differently.
Most of the time relationships work because your partner tends to balance you out. This also means that you and your partner will have different points of view on certain things, and at time can drive each other bonkers.
In most cases, you and your partner will argue when buying or selling a property. You and your partner are unique, but you're not alone. This is a high stress situation and can be very emotional. So let's talk about how to stay together while looking for a property!
**Note: I (Sandi Hegland) do not hold a psychology degree. I've helped a lot of couples buy homes and have mediated tons of arguments. I have shoved many bottles of wine into client's hands and assigned the homework: 'drink this, relax, sort things out and love each other.'
The most volatile conversation usually happens when you've found a home you both love. That's when your true personality is revealed. You will either be:
Analytical. This house checks all the boxes. It has everything we need, most of the things we like, nothing we hate. Therefore, we should buy it. These are spreadsheet people. They take lots of notes and ensure that all criteria are met.
Emotional. They like the 'feel' of a home. They fall in love. They can see themselves living here and being ridiculously happy. They want sit on the couch in the living room for one more minute (and really never leave).
Which one do you imagine you would be? Your partner will likely be the opposite. Then comes making a decision. You either will be a:
Quick Mover. These people haven't seen the basement yet and they're ready to write an offer. They've made a decision and there's no going back.
Processor. They need time. After all, they're spending hundreds of thousands of dollars!
Are You Still With Us?
When you find a great house you will become one of four people:
The Analytical Quick Mover affirms: 'It checks all the boxes, what are the chances another will? Let's just buy it.'
The Emotional Quick Mover declares: 'I love how it feels, I need to have it right away. I don't need to see anymore as they won't compare.'
The Analytical Processor maintains: 'I know that it checks all the boxes but I'm not 100% sold on this one, and need to see more before I decide.'
The Emotional Processor verbalizes: 'I like how it feels but I'm just not quite sure, let me think about it.'
Now one of you is impatience. And one of you feels pressured. One of you is looking at a spreadsheet. The other's heart is jumping out of their chest. Both of you need a deep breathe. Remember why you love this person. Remember that it's a big decision!
And... here is genius idea that you've read all of this to get to...
Talk and listen.
That's all. Say what you're thinking and why you're thinking it. Listen to the one you love and understand what they're thinking.
You're going to buy a great house. You're going to fill it with great memories. You're going to be ridiculously happy. I'm here to make it go smoothly. All you have to do is talk to each other and listen! At the end of the day, it's you and your partner that will make the house a home. So let's ensure that you both are as happy as possible while buying and/or selling in Calgary's Real Estate Market.